I held a student-led parent conference this fall with one of the “blue-jacket” dads in attendance. These guys show up without a tie, but dressed for respect -- respect for the occasion of talking about their children with the teacher, but mostly I believe, to show that they are to be taken seriously. It’s a smart thing to do if you look good in the jacket, but there is nothing more tiresome than a pretender, and why piss off the teacher? His wife was quietly attentive; she’s quite different on her own, not effervescent, but not this. I could feel my abs tighten defensively.
Blue-jacket leaned in, put his elbow on the table touching his index finger and thumb to his lower lip, pausing for effect before making eye contact and speaking. This I could tell was a well practiced maneuver, which admittedly, got my attention. He wanted his son to get into a swanky private school next year, making our year together important. BlueJ: I need my son to be challenged. How are you going to make sure that he does his homework? Me: First, we’ll need him to agree to do it well, and I’ll need you to help him make that happen. Then at school, we can hold him accountable. Once BlueJ heard the magic word, accountable, he leaned back. I could almost hear the smug internal dialogue: My work here is done. It wouldn’t have been productive to close triumphantly; in responding to his question I had given him a thing to do before me, and placed the responsibility squarely with his son. My role remained tertiary, so I allowed him the satisfaction of the last word on that matter. In golf, master instructor Fred Shoemaker, suggests that the best way to learn how to hit a ball straight is to practice hitting left, then right, to let your body instinctively recognize how not to do those things. If right-handers want to spin a ball right (fade), or left (draw), your approach angle must differ from the clubface angle. If, however, the difference is to severe, you’ll have a ball go almost nowhere, no matter how hard you swing. The same thing happens between a teacher and parent, or for that matter, a school and parent body. Both parties must approach the situation, in this case academic achievement, from the same perspective. If BlueJ had set the groundwork well, and followed through with consistency, encouraging his son to develop intrinsic motivation, then it would be easy for this instructor to facilitate and reinforce the perspective behavior in checking for the homework. Alternatively, if BJ didn’t help his kid find a quiet place to work, form good habits, organize his work time against extracurriculars and due dates, and acknowledge independence, then “accountability” would be too entirely on the backs of the teachers. Some parents believe, I’ve already done school, now you do school. They wait for the school to perform the alchemy, the balance of punishment, reward, coaxing, and thanking, to produce the quintessential student. Those kids who’d rather have less to do with their parents, or know they can do a better job without interference, do just fine. Generally however, a hands-free parent approach is too different from the school, and the student grows much slower than with guidance and encouragement from home. Expecting home and classroom to be perfectly synched up is not realistic. Hitting a straight ball is rare. When the approach angles are similar, though, the shape of the shot becomes a thing of beauty. When academic excellence becomes a team affair, school, parent and student all hit the same target.
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AuthorTwenty-one years of teaching, and I'm still fascinated with my role as an educator. What will it be like as a principal? Archives
January 2017
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