Maybe thanks to Stephen Covey’s use of the term in his treatise The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, being proactive has become entirely cliché. This is unfortunate, because the term has serious weight behind it, and deserves the attention that resulted in its overuse. I appreciate the focus Dr. Pumpian has brought to this first habit, being proactive, by referring to Sonya Friedman's characterization of the three things over which you have power:
In this sense, we all live in our personal virtual reality: how we see our common spaces and shared experiences at work, for instance, must be different, because of the different paths we have traveled in getting to this moment. A leader needs to interpret and even expect different reactions to the same situation, understanding that the behavior is prompted by different values. Nevertheless, you have the power to think what you will by first not taking anything personally: if everyone exists in their unique virtual reality, the judgement is theirs and has nothing to do with you. Affect your feelings by changing your focus; change what you think and thereby change the gravity or casualness of the moment. If what you say, the second of Friedman’s powers, reflects your perspective, understand that it may make the situation better, worse, or be of no value-added at all. Knowing that the words you share will be perceived through the filter of the listeners’ values ( if they are even paying attention to you), should give you pause to be sparing, and careful with what you say. Your reaction needs to match the situation appropriately. Some kids get teased more than others because their reactions to being bothered are highly entertaining. If you are clear with your intentions with a person, a problem, or a goal, then you are more likely to exhibit behaviors that feed that intention; impulses or histrionics are likely to be avoided, and the energy you share with the people around you will inspire confidence and calm. Almost always, the “next right thing to do”(Muller, 2010) is obvious and right in front of you. Do that. It may be cliché, but Habit #1: Be Proactive, is entirely pertinent to becoming the kind of person that others welcome into their company. By taking responsibility for my choices instead of being a victim of circumstance; by being careful with my words; and by doing the next right thing, I can stripe away limiting beliefs and be the person of good intention that I would like a little more. Commitment: Each week formal “class meetings” with my fifth graders are supposed to address issues and problem solving strategies that impact school life. This would be a perfect place to teach the habits. Being that middle school is looming ahead, Covey’s lessons would go a long way to preparing my students on how to be more independent, more empowered little people. References Covey, S. R. (1989). The seven habits of highly effective people: Restoring the character ethic. New York: Simon and Schuster. Muller, W. (2010). A life of being, having, and doing enough. New York: Harmony Books. Ruiz, M. (1997). The four agreements: A practical guide to personal freedom. San Rafael, CA: Amber-Allen Pub.
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December 2016
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